Summer BBQWe’ll be spending Sunday at a friend’s house on the bay in San Diego.  Our son loves it here because of the sand and the calm bay water.  We love it because it’s a great place to hang out with friends, it’s a beautiful view and our son has a great time.

It’s a byobbq, so we’ll likely just bring one or two items, but one thing leads to another in my mind and I thought about full-on meals.  I think I was probably hungry while coming up with what to bring, but no matter here are my 2 ideas for which I haven’t yet decided on for this Sunday’s byobbq:

Fish Tacos with home-made corn slaw and white sauce; home-made guacamole served with tortilla chips and salsa and a side of beans; or

Southern unfried/grilled chicken with home-made corn slaw, red beans and rice and little baked potato balls.  I’ve never made these last little potato morsels and I thought them up in my head just now, so they would definitely be a fun experiment.

Whatever I decide to make, I’ll post the actual recipes and (hopefully) pictures too.  Whichever one I don’t make for Sunday, I’m sure I’ll be making at home sooner than later and will also post recipes and pictures (especially for the baked potato balls if they turn out tasty).

What will you be making/bbq’ing for your labor day celebration?  We’d love to hear your ideas, recipes, inspirations…

We are new parents, so having never done any of this before, we tread lightly and research everything.

Our 2 1/2 year old son starts part-time pre-school on Tuesday. It seems so young. When he was born, my mind was set that he would start pre-school around 4 years old. I think that’s a normal age???  But, we decided it would be so great if our son could be in a French immersion school, which it turns out is easier the earlier you start (especially if, like us, you don’t speak the 2nd language at home) and so we enrolled our son, 2 days per week in French immersion pre-school.

I wasn’t anxious when I had to go back to work and start him part-time with a co-shared nanny. Nor was I anxious when he started full-time at a new (and wonderful) daycare. Why am I anxious now? Is it because the word ‘school’ carries with it so much more meaning?

When I was young, school wasn’t easy for me. We moved around a lot and I was constantly having to make new friends. My studies suffered and I felt less than confident when being called during class.

As I entered my high school years, there was more stability and my grades improved dramatically, but I never forgot those school yard feelings of inadequacy and always felt empathy for those of ‘us’ on the outskirts of all that was deemed popular and cool.

Our son will be entering a school where they only speak French. We do not speak French at home. How will he absorb into this new little community? How many of the other kids have non-French speaking parents at home?  Will I be putting him into a situation where he feels inadequate? Or, because we’ve started him early, will he fit right in and catch on quickly? Are my fears ghosts of feelings past? And, finally, will I cry like a great big baby when I have to leave him in his classroom, walk to my car, go to work and pretend to have put on my big girl panties that morning?

I had a great time and met some amazing people at Bloggy Bootcamp San Francisco in August.  The networking live in person was by far one of the best benefits for those of us who sit behind our computer screens all day.  There was a wonderful mix of newbies and not so newbies and everyone was friendly and helpful to all.  The topics were varied and thorough and Tiffany, our oh so pretty SITS girl coordinator was organized, funny, knowledgeable and approachable.  Oh, and the after party at Club Slide was a nice way to connect with everyone in a casual, fun environment.

To get a nice lo-down of each of the presenters and their topics, be sure to click on the Living La Vida Normal blog below.

I’ve joined the San Francisco Bloggy Bootcamp Blog Hop and so can you…

It’s smart to add fruits and veges to your family dinner…It’s easy too! 

As a parent, I am always trying to get my child to eat healthy.  Fruits are a tad bit easier than veges, and veges are even difficult for us adults to often work into our meals.

Check out these tips from www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.org on how to add fruits and veges to your family’s meals.

GoodOnYa Bar Sample Pack

 $10.00

Today, we are promoting one of our favorite lunchbox items, the GoodOnYa Bar.  It’s funny because I actually used to work next door to GoodOnYa Cafe in Sorrento Valley and was always a fan of all of their nutritious food.  When they came out with their GoodOnYa Bar, I was very excited and not disappointed at all.  It’s tasty and good for me?  How could it be? 

The Lunch Box provides schools with free, tangible tools to transform school lunch from highly processed foods to made-from-scratch meals using nutritious, fresh ingredients. It contains tools for real change including school-tested recipes with nutritionals and training tips, financial modeling guides, budget templates, downloadable, customizable calendars, and training videos. 

The Lunch Box Project’s goal is to raise $20,000Together we can change the way we feed our kids.

If you purchase the GoodOnYa Sample Pack (Click Here to Buy) before September 7, 2010, OpenSky will donate $1.00 to the Lunchbox Project for every sample pack sold.  As an added incentive, you can receive free shipping when you enter the code, FREESHIPSAMPLER at checkout.

Invitation Etiquette
by Wedding Paper Divas

Children Guests…
If you’re not sure about whether or not a child of an invited couple should receive his or her own invitation, a good rule of thumb is that any young guest over 16 years old should receive his or her own invitation.

Virgin Coconut Oil

 $19.00
Awhile back, I read a fantastic article about organic virgin coconut oil and its numerous benefits and unfortunate negative ad campaign.  Turns out that coconut oil is actually very beneficial to us both inside and out.  Some time back, our country did a big smear campaign on most tropical oils, specifically coconut oil because it is a saturated fat and started touting the hydrogenated polyunsaturated fats (i.e. trans fats) because, let’s face it, it’s cheaper when used in production.

After my own in depth research, I found that coconut oil has an immense amount of wonderful uses for us both on the inside and the outside.  The coolest thing is that coconut oil has a melting point of 76 degrees, which means if you put it on your skin (98 degrees) it melts right away.  And, if you live in Southern California like I do, most of the time, the oil is already liquid in the jar.  Here is how I like to use coconut oil and some of the benefits that go along with it.

1.  On My Skin:  Coconut oil is an excellent massage oil for the skin. It acts as an effective moisturizer on all types of skin especially dry skin and even on acne prone skin.  I often have acne breakouts when skin is too dry and putting a little bit of coconut oil on my face at night before bedtime can greatly reduce my breakouts. The benefit of coconut oil on the skin is comparable to that of mineral oil.  However, unlike mineral oil, there is no chance of having any adverse side effects on the skin with the application of coconut oil. Coconut oil therefore is a safe solution for preventing dryness and flaking of skin. It also delays wrinkles, and sagging of skin which normally become prominent with age. Coconut oil also helps in treating various skin problems including psoriasis, dermatitis, eczema and other skin infections. Therefore coconut oil forms the basic ingredient of various body care products such as soaps, lotions, creams, etc., used for skin care.

2.  In or On My Food - Weight Loss & Cholesterol:  Coconut oil is wonderful on toast in place of butter add a little peanut butter and it’s even more amazing.  Also put a little dollop on your baked potato in place of butter.  Weight Loss: Coconut oil is very useful in reducing weight. It contains short and medium-chain fatty acids that help in taking off excessive weight.  As for cholesterol and your heart, there is a misconception that coconut oil is not good for your heart. People believe that because it contains a large quantity of saturated fats, it must be bad for you. However, the opposite is true.  Coconut oil is beneficial for the heart. It contains about 50% lauric acid, which helps in preventing various heart problems including high cholesterol levels and high blood pressure. The saturated fats present in coconut oil are not harmful as it happens in the case of vegetables oils. Coconut oil does not increase LDL cholesterol levels (that’s the bad kind of fat). It also reduces the incidence of injury in arteries and therefore helps in preventing atherosclerosis.

3.  On My Hair:  Coconut oil is one of the best natural nutritional conditioners for your hair. It helps in healthy growth of hair providing a shine and brilliance and reducing breakage due to sun or color damage. Regular massage of the head with coconut oil ensures that your scalp is free of dandruff, lice, and lice eggs, even if your scalp is dry. Coconut oil is extensively used in the Indian sub-continent for hair care. It is an excellent conditioner and helps in the re-growth of damaged hair. It also provides the essential proteins required for nourishing damaged hair. It is therefore used as hair care oil and used in manufacturing various conditioners, and dandruff relief creams. Coconut oil is normally applied topically for hair care.  I often use coconut oil on my hair and scalp before bed for a deep conditioner and sometimes I will use just a tiny bit as a styling cream that adds some shine and condition.

These are just a few of the ways in which I utilize the health benefits of coconut oil.  There are a host of other healthy benefits to using coconut oil including digestive, pancreatic, immunity, healing, infections, bones, dental care, etc.  If you would like to read more, you can click here to visit Organic Facts Health Benefits of Coconut Oil.

If you are interested in purchasing a virgin coconut oil that we love, you can Virgin Coconut Oil to buy Virgin Coconut Oil by Zing.

No, it’s not the fun part of planning your wedding, but it’s an integral part and doing it right away will cause you far less stress in the long run and allow you to plan your wedding in a much more organized fashion. 

This meeting should be with whomever will be paying or helping to pay for the wedding.

But first, get your vision just right…To get more tips on how to kick off your wedding right, click here.

I just spent a fun and educational weekend at Bloggy Bootcamp in San Francisco.  After the conference, we had a fun time at Club Slide where Igor the Bartender from Russia concocted a special drink called the Siberian Slipper.  One lady described the taste as a watermelon jolly rancher but not as sweet.  I have to disagree with that description, but to each their own.  For me, I could really taste the pear from the pear vodka and another flavor that I couldn’t quite put my finger on…turned out to be Elderberry from the liqueur St. Germain.  Regardless, it was a hit with everyone in attendance and made for a very pretty ‘martini’ drink as well.  Here’s the lo-down on how to make it (sorry, I didn’t get exact measurements, so you’ll have to experiment on your own):

Ingredients:

Pear Vodka (Grey Goose Poire was used in ours)
Juice of 2 wedges of lime
St. Germain

Instructions:

Chill martini glass with ice.  In a cocktail shaker shake the pear vodka and St. Germain.  Empty ice out of martini glass, pour in contents of shaker, squeeze the juice of 2 wedges of lime into martini glass.  Garnish with a lime.

Visit your farmer’s market or your local grocery store to create this uber conditiong, shining masque for your tresses.  As an added bonus to yourself, use the other half of the avocado to create a healthy meal – click here to view our recipe for a quick n’easy chicken and avocado meal.

DIY Home-made hair mask:

1 T olive oil
½ of an avocado smooshed up
1 T mayonnaise
2 T plain greek yogurt
2 T honey
1 T egg whites
5-8 drops of lavender essential oil.  If your scalp is a little flaky, add some Tea Tree essential oil too.

Beat one egg white with a hand blender or wire whisk until soft peaks form. In a small bowl, stir together all ingredients except egg white and essential oils. Fold in the egg whites and add essential oil. 

Apply this hair masque to clean, wet hair. Massage into the hair and scalp so your entire head is covered and saturated with the masque.  Pile your hair on top of your head. Use a couple of pieces of large plastic wrap and wrap the hair and scalp tightly or use a plastic grocery bag to slip over your head, fit it tightly to your head and use the bag handles to securely tie it down at the base of your neck. Sit in sun or stay in a steamy shower for 15–20 minutes for best results. Rinse hair thoroughly with slightly cool water. If necessary, follow with your favorite conditioning rinse.

I was born a blonde and as far as I’m concerned that is the color I will stay.  Needless to say, I bleach my hair.  This wasn’t as much of an issue when I had short hair, but when I told my hair stylist and colorist that I wanted to grow my hair out nice and long once last time for my 40th year of life, they both told me… “no more bleaching, we’ll use a high lift color with just a few highlights of bleach in the front”.  I begrudgingly agreed and liked the color at first, but as the date drew near for my next appointment, I grew increasingly annoyed by the “yellow” (not brassiness) of my hair.  Yes, I am one of those people who want her hair super white blonde.  Needless to say, I convinced my guys that it was okay to bleach the crap out of my hair because I had a plan to keep the damage to a minimum.  

Here are my quick and long term fixes for color and sun damaged hair:

  • I only wash my hair every 3-4 days.  Yep, that’s it.  Granted, my hair is really dry because of the bleach, so I need to let my natural oils have a chance to really do their job and condition my scalp and hair.  If you work out, try just rinsing your hair one or two days and putting your hair up in a ponytail or updo.
  • When I wash my hair, I only wash the scalp, not the ends of my hair.  Just wash your scalp (massaging with your fingertips, not your fingernails) and then when you rinse, just let the soap rinse through the ends.  It is less drying to your ends and they aren’t the real dirty or oily part anyway.
  • Use a really good, moisture filled conditioner and leave it on your head (especially the ends) while you shower.  Rinse it off as the very last thing you do.
  • I use one of those turban head wraps rather than rubbing my head with a towel.  Rubbing your hair like that can cause breakage.  You just want to gently have the water absorbed.
  • While still wet, I use Olive Oil by Hollywood Beauty found at your local drugstore in the African American hair section.  African American hair is often dry and this stuff is awesome.  A friend of mine recently commented on how soft my hair is and I told her that this is what I use.  She is African American and had a good laugh, but agreed that it’s great stuff.  You only need a tiny bit (especially me because my hair is thin and fine).  Just work it through from about one inch from your scalp to the ends using your fingers.
  • I don’t brush or comb my hair while it’s wet as much as possible.  I use my fingers to work out any knots or snags.  
  • I let my hair air dry until the last possible minute and then break out the brush and blow dryer to style my hair.  And, I only use my straightener during the week or if I’m going out.
  • I use a natural boars bristle brush on my hair when it is dry.  They are more expensive, but worth it and give great scalp massages.
  • I sleep with my hair down.  Putting it up in a ponytail can cause breakage.  This is hard for me because I hate the feeling of hair on my neck, but it’s better than breakage.  I even used to sleep with a satin pillowcase because it is less likely to cause breakage than cotton, but I have since abandoned this practice.
  • And finally, about once per month, I sleep with conditioner on my hair.  Again, I don’t put it up, I just put a small towel on my pillow.  In the morning, I style my hair up and then rinse it at night, or just do a quick rinse and style in the morning before work.

Click Here to view our DIY Conditioning Hair Masque for color or sun damaged hair.

I love sleep – naps, night time, sleeping in…So when our son came along, I was in for a rude awakening – literally!  Every two hours snatched out of a dreamy sleep by a screaming child is not for the faint of heart.  I’ll admit it, it is one of the selfish reasons for us not wanting another child – I just don’t know if I could go through those sleepless nights again (our son did have colic).  There are other less selfish reasons, but that is our selfish one.

Pre-child, however, sleep did not always come easy for me.  I call it the broken record of my mind.  You know how it is when you just can’t turn off your thoughts and they jump randomly from one inocuous thought to the next.  During my twenties, I implemented every possible insomnia cure – no t.v. in the bedroom, no caffeine past 3 p.m., meditation, winding down an hour before bed-time, etc.  And, with diligence (and a great meditation retreat), I was able to quiet that broken record.

With a good night’s rest increasingly losing out to the Internet, e-mail, late-night cable and other distractions of modern life, a growing body of scientific evidence suggests that too little or interrupted sleep may be taking an unappreciated toll on America’s health.

“We’re shifting to a 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week society, and as a result we’re increasingly not sleeping like we used to,” reports Najib T. Ayas, a sleep specialist, from the University of British Columbia. While many aspects of sleep remain a mystery, the emerging picture is that not sleeping enough runs counter to the body’s internal clock, throwing a host of basic bodily functions out of sync.

A lack of sleep, (or interrupted sleep) means the body doesn’t have time to complete all of the phases needed for muscle repair, memory consolidation, and the release of hormones regulating growth and appetite. Sleep helps us thrive by contributing to a healthy immune system, as well as better concentration, better decision making and allowing us to fully engage in professional and social activities.

In addition, early reports suggest that the nation’s obesity epidemic is being driven, in part, by a corresponding decrease in the average number of hours American’s are sleeping. According to the Sleep Foundation, Sleep helps regulate the levels of the hormones gherlin and leptin, which play a role in our feelings of hunger and fullness. So when we are sleep deprived, we may feel the need to eat more, which can lead to weight gain.

The National Sleep Foundation goes on to report that approximately 70 million people in the United States are affected by sleep deprivation and about 40 million American’s suffer from a chronic sleep disorder. Sleep deprivation and sleep disorders are estimated to cost Americans over $100 billion annually in lost productivity, medical expenses, sick leave, and property and environmental damage.

The amount of necessary sleep varies from person to person, with some breezing through on just a few hours’ slumber and others barely functioning without a full 10 hours, experts say. But most people apparently need between about seven and nine hours, with studies indicating that an increased risk for disease starts to kick in when people get less than six or seven.

TIPS FOR A BETTER NIGHT’S SLEEP

1.       Maintain a regular bed and wake schedule even on weekends.  According to the National Sleep Foundation, our sleep-wake cycle is regulated by a “circadian clock” in our brain and the body’s need to balance both sleep time and wake. A regular waking time in the mornings strengthens the circadian function and help with sleep onset at night.

2.       Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine.  A relaxing, routine activity right before bedtime conducted away from bright lights helps separate your sleep time from activities that can cause excitement, stress or anxiety which can make it more difficult to fall asleep, get sound and deep sleep or remain asleep.

3.       Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, and cool.  Design your sleep environment to establish the conditions you need for sleep – cool, quiet, dark, comfortable and free of interruptions. Consider using blackout curtains, eye shades, ear plugs, “white noise”, humidifiers, and fans to help create a conducive sleep environment.

4.       Exercise regularly.   Studies show that exercising regularly makes it easier to fall asleep and contributes to a sounder sleep. However, try to avoid exercise right before going to bed. In addition, to making us alert, exercise raises body temperature, and a cooler body temp is associated with sleep onset.

5.       Avoid eating, caffeine, nicotine and alcohol close to bed time.  Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants making going to sleep difficult. Caffeine in particular can remain in the body for awhile and should be avoided 6-8 hours before bedtime. People think of alcohol and food as sedatives, but both can actually disrupt sleep causing nighttime awakenings. Consuming alcohol or eating a heavy meal can lead to a night of less restful sleep.

6.       Use the bedroom only for sleep.  It is best to take work material, computer, and televisions out of the sleeping environment. Use your bed only for sleep and intimate moments to strengthen the association between bed and sleep.

If you still have sleep problems use a sleep diary and talk to your doctor. Note the type of sleep problems is affecting your sleep or if you are sleepy when you wish to be awake and alert. Use the sleep diary to discuss with your doctor.

As a Mom/Blogger/Crafter who also has a full-time job (not including the one called “Mom”), I am lucky that our company provides back-up care from Bright Horizons.  But it’s not just something a company has to take care of, you can take a look into back-up care options as well.  From places like Bright Horizons who specialize in regular day care as well as fabulous back-up care options, to online sites such as sittercity.com who have a whole host of babysitters, nannies & more who are ready and willing to work for you AND have often already had background checks run.  We found a wonderful, caring and responsible babysitter on sittercity.com and absolutely love this service!  We’ve actually found two and while they’re both great, one is more often available than the other.  I’ve known friends who have found up to 5 babysitters that they love from sittercity which really gives them peace of mind when they are in need of last minute back-up care for their children.

Being a working parent or having an adult/elderly relative relying on you for care can be stressful. It’s important to take time out for yourself now and then to help you reduce that stress and re-energize.

One thing you don’t need is the added burden of dependent care emergencies. As every parent and caregiver knows, finding care in a pinch can be stressful. When your normal plans fall through, you can end up scrambling. Back-up care has you covered during those stress-inducing last-minute plan changes.

Examples of situations where back-up care comes to the rescue include when:

  • School is out for spring or summer break
  • Your nanny or regular caregiver is ill or on vacation
  • Your child has a mild fever and cannot attend school or their regular child care

program

  • A spouse or adult/elderly family member is recovering from an illness, has surgery or needs assistance
  • You need to work additional hours or your work schedule has unexpectedly changed and your regular care is not available.

Having a back-up care plan in place takes the weight off your shoulders of finding quality care for your loved ones. Reduce your stress. Get your safety net in place today!

Wedding pictures hold some of the happiest memories of a lifetime, so be sure you consider all the angles when preparing to be photographed on the big day.

Exfoliate and moisturize- Don’t forget that the most important step is good skincare for a clean, smooth base. Soft, supple skin will be the best canvas for any makeup to look great on.

Don’t go changing- Brides shouldn’t try new skincare products, or anything that may irritate skin during the wedding countdown. Don’t be tempted to get cosmetic or skin treatments too close to the date, especially if you haven’t experienced the procedure before.

Build from a solid foundation- Be sure that your foundation is the right color and formulation for your skin. Color correcting concealers, like green/yellow for redness, and peach/yellow for undereye circles are a much better choice than simply layering on more makeup. Remember that redness will be easily picked up in photographs so take care to balance that out, and stay away from more pink based foundations.

Define eyes and brows- While its important to line and define eyes so they pop in photos, keep in mind that dark shadow will make eyes recede and look smaller. For big bright eyes, highlight the inner corners and brow bone with an off-white, light pink or pale gold shadow or crayon.

Make sure brows are properly framing the face- everyone looks better and younger with defined brows. Fill the arches with powder or a solid pigment and brush.

Skip the glitter- Radiance-enhancing or shimmery foundations make faces look too slick and shiny for photos, so if you must, keep the sheen only on cheekbones and the cupid’s bow for highlighting purposes. Always finish the t-zone with powder, and and blot any oiliness as needed.

Consider your lighting- Do take the time to stop and think about if the event/ photos will be taking place indoors or out, and at what time of day. Indoor photos will be taken with flash, so it’s important to use powder to combat shine and to also be sure foundation is matched well. If outdoors, soften makeup a bit as it can easily look too heavy or harsh in sunlight.

Personalize the look- The older you are, the more important it is to avoid shimmery eye makeup, as it tends to bring attention to fine lines. Black eyeliner can also look too harsh for older women (same goes for liquid liner). Many fair blondes may be more suited for eyeliner and mascara in the brown tones so as to not look overdone.

Content provided by Sarah Logan on behalf of ASI (esthetics school, NY). It offers aesthetics certification classes and specialized coursework in cosmetic laser training, as well as microdermabrasion training.

The most important things you can do to stay healthy are: Get recommended screening tests, Be tobacco free, Be physically active, Eat a healthy diet, Stay at a healthy weight, and Take preventive medicines if you need them.

Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables and lean protein will help with your diet.  Checking your BMI can help you guage whether your at a healthy weight.  For an easy BMI calculator, you can go to http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ , enter some information and whallah, with a click of a button, you’ll get some valuable information.

Learn more at: AHRQ

Click Here to view some of our yummy, healthy recipes

I spent my birthday weekend in sunny 100+ degree weather in Palm Springs, and am happy to report I have returned with nary a sunburn.  I was diligent about applying and re-applying sunscreen as well as staying in the shade.  I even remembered to put it on my scalp – something I often forget and end up with a tomato head.

Skin Cancer: Protecting your skin

Excessive exposure to the sun and its ultraviolet (UV) rays can cause skin cancer. You can reduce your risk for skin cancer by:

  • Protecting your skin, and that of your family members, from UV radiation.
  • Performing frequent skin self-examinations.
  • Finding out whether you have an increased risk of developing melanoma and other skin cancers.

Why is it necessary to protect the skin?

You can stop skin cancer before it starts.

  • Exposure to the sun is the most common cause of skin cancer. Sunburns do the most damage, but sustained time in the sun increases the risk of skin damage and mole growth.
  • Most early skin cancers are easily seen on the skin and may be curable if treated early.
  • Some people have a higher risk of developing skin cancer. If you are aware that you have a greater risk, have regular skin exams and take steps to protect your skin.

Skin self-exam

A skin self-exam is used to identify suspicious growths that may be cancer or growths that may develop into skin cancer (precancers). Adults should examine their skin once every month. Look for any abnormal skin growth or any change in the color, shape, size, or appearance of a skin growth. Check for any area of injured skin (lesion) that does not heal.

To perform a skin self-exam:

  • Stand in front of a full-length mirror. Examine your body front and back, then examine your right and left sides with your arms raised.
  • Bend your elbows and look carefully at your forearms, the back of your upper arms, and your palms.
  • Look at your feet, the soles of your feet, and the spaces between your toes.
  • Using a hand mirror, look at:          
                o The back of your legs.
                o The back of your neck and scalp. Part your hair to look at your scalp.
                o Your back, buttocks, and genital area.

You can also have your spouse or someone such as a close friend help you monitor your skin, especially places that are hard to see such as your scalp and back.  If you see a suspicious skin growth during your self-exam, contact your health professional.

From Health Advocate’s Preference Sensitive Coaching website

Kids need good nutrition to help them stay alert and learn at school.  Fruits and vegetables are a big part of good nutrition. 

Follow the tips here:  Back to School.

from www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov

Need ways to budget, save, and simplify in these stressful times? Start here with our on going series over the next few months where we will cover some common questions with a plan of action.

Q. What can my spouse and I do to avoid arguing about money these days?

A. The key to keeping the peace is communication – and not the kind that’s at the top of your lungs. Sit down once a week for a ‘money matters meeting’.  Take 45 minutes to talk money. The point of these conversations is not differences, but common goals. So less “You spent $300 on golf shoes!” and more “How can we save $400 more a month for retirement?” (Assigning blame only creates tension.) Tame the emotions by focusing on the facts: Name the goals, and then brainstorm ways to accomplish them. Review progress regularly. If differing spending habits keep getting in the way, consider setting up separate accounts for mad money, so you each have freedom within limits.

Couples’ conversation starters

  • What is my biggest money worry nowadays?
  • What are my top three savings priorities, in order of importance?
  • What am I pleased with about our financial life?
  • Is there anything I want to understand better about our finances or wish that we could investigate together?
  • If we had to cut back on spending, what three areas would I choose? What three would I avoid cutting?
  • Are there any important money tasks I think we have been procrastinating on?

Action Plan

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff: Agree to a dollar amount, say $150 that you can each spend at one time without the other’s okay.

Before hosting your next summer barbeque, inspect your deck to make sure it’s safe and secure for entertaining. Many decks are unsafe and potentially in danger of collapse because they were built incorrectly, have not been properly maintained or are beyond the recommended lifespan of 10-15 years. To help prevent deck collapse events this summer, the Home Safety Council is working with Simpson Strong-Tie to educate families on the importance of inspecting their decks for safety at least once a year. Click here for a checklist of warning signs to be on the lookout for when inspecting your deck

I’m starting to realize that being a parent is all about living in a constant state of euphoria, absolute fear, wonderment, sadness and complete and total happiness. I am not a religious person per se, but anyone who knows me knows me as a very spiritual person. I talk to God (Goddess, Higher Power) on a daily basis whether via prayer or my inner chatter just needing to tell someone all of these crazy new feelings of thankfulness, happiness and fear. Here is generally how that chatter goes…

I look at my son in amazement and wonder and think, “Wow, you are so cool, I never thought I could love someone so much. Thank you God, thank you so much for letting me be a part of such a wonderful life, thank you for trusting me with one of your children. Please God, please keep him safe. Please don’t make him have to experience the abuse and suffering I had to endure. Please let us keep our jobs and the comforts you have provided to us because we really, really do appreciate them and while I know that we don’t need all these creature comforts that you have provided and we know that so long as we have the love of each other and the desire, we can make it work, we still really would prefer to not have to go through losing these comforts. And, I know that you have more important matters to deal with (war, poverty, strife), but I’ve been led to believe that in your omniscient power, you are able to hear all your children equally and so here I am praying to you that you will keep us healthy, safe and happy, but am adding in some specifics as well. Oh, and again, we are so, so, so thankful for everything you have given”.

It sounds almost desperate doesn’t it? And long. But, this/these thoughts travel through my brain daily, hourly and strangely sometimes by the minute. I travel this thought train from a euphoric feeling of thankfulness and love to an almost debilitating feeling of fear that if I’m not thankful enough, it could all just disappear.

I am still in constant amazement the love that I feel for my child and am often almost brought to tears over this love and feel like this love, if bottled and corked, would just explode. One day while driving home, I was thinking about a family I only know peripherally whose son was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 6 and who passed away last month. This sends me into a tail spin, this thought of losing my son and causes me to [over]think how thankful I am, how much I love my child, how I would emotionally die if anything horrible happened to him and it dawned on me – this must be what it’s like when the proverbial ‘they’ talk about God’s love for us, his children. Now, let me say it again, I am not a religious person – I don’t go to church and have never read the Bible cover to cover. I have always been spiritual, but it was after having a child that this ‘spiritual awareness’ really started to kick in for me. This is when I found myself having conversations with God daily – be it just saying thank you or praying for my friends and family to be helped and kept safe. I find that my eyes and my heart have been opened wider. It is during these times that I wonder, perhaps seeing the light, or going towards the light can happen during our lifetime rather than just after death.

My son literally saved my life (a tumor was discovered) and since his birth, I feel more awake, my heart feels lighter and more open to receive this light. With this awakening, I struggle with the fear – the fear of loss of my son, our jobs, our happiness and then bounce right back to the knowledge that we will be okay…we will be okay so long as our son is okay…we will be okay so long as we stick together and talk…we will be okay so long as I keep this dialogue with God open and so long as I keep my heart and eyes wide open.  And, then I ride that crazy thought train again:)

So, thank you, thank you God, thank you Goddess, thank you to everyone reading and to anyone who feels similarly. Thank you for the peace, the love, the prosperity and abundance that fills my life. I am forever grateful.

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