So, you think you know your friends do you? It’s been said a thousand times – if you want to know who your real friends are, just have a wedding. It brings out the best and worst in people. And, for some reason, even the (usually) most tactful, level-headed people do, ask and say some of the most tactless, rude and selfish things.
Take my friend Mary (names changed to protect the ‘not so’ innocent) for example. Mary is getting married in November. She has very specific ideas of how she wants her wedding to look (as most brides do), has picked out her exact colors to fall in line with her ‘not over the top’ Fall Theme – a warm sienna brown and burnt orange. She shares the exciting news along with decor ideas with her ‘friends’ who later become her bridesmaids who know full well the colors of the wedding. One would surmise at this point that being a bridesmaid will likely require you to wear one of these chosen colors. Also, one would surmise that accepting said responsibility of becoming a bridesmaid, you are ready to wear whatever your friend chooses because, let’s face it, that’s one of the main jobs of the bridesmaid. My friend Mary was cognizant of price and body shapes and struggled long and hard to accomodate both. So, she was befuddled, nay hurt when one bridesmaid in particular (we’ll call her Katy) tried to change Mary’s mind about the color she chose for the dress. “Okay” Mary thought, “Katy just wanted to express her opinion, we’ve talked it out, she understands this is the color I really want and that’s that.” A few weeks go by, and all women head to the dress shop to try on dresses when in a complete and total Bridesmaidzilla moment, Katy announces, “I don’t want to spend this kind of money on a dress I will never wear and if you can’t change the color, then I think I need to step down from being in your wedding”. Mary, understandably, was hurt, shocked and quite frankly kinda pissed. She stood her ground and explained to Katy that she was very sorry she felt that way, but that she would not be changing the color of the dress and hoped that she would still come to the wedding and enjoy herself as a guest (that’s the classy way to handle such a situation – you go Mary). Katy, probably being a bit shocked, proceeded to add salt to the wound by exclaiming, “well both me and [Maid of Honor] don’t like the color of the dress and wanted to tell you earlier”. Ummm, rude and immature much?
I feel horrible for my friend Mary. She is a good person who is not expecting more from a friend than any other Bride would. She is not requiring Katy to stuff her bra, get fake nails, dye her hair or any number of Bridezilla requests. She simply asked for her bridesmaid to wear her chosen color of dress as discussed ad nauseum prior to going to the dress shop. I am pissed that Katy is so selfish. How dare she turn what is supposed to be a fun and exciting day for everyone into a day/moment all about her. Quite frankly, who gives a rat’s butt what a bridesmaid is wearing? Who’s looking at her anyway? At the most, and I do mean at the most a bridesmaid could request to bring a change of clothes once all the pictures are done, but even that crosses the boundary into rude territory.
If you are ever asked to be a bridesmaid remember that this day is not about you. Selfish behavior is not acceptable from any party (Bridemaid, Bride, parents, etc.). Common courtesy and asking yourself if your actions or words could be hurtful before doing or saying something can go a long way. It is one day – wear the darn dress and get on with your life. Either you can afford to spend the money for your friend’s special day or not. It has nothing to do with spending money on a dress you will never wear again. If you couldn’t afford it, you should have said something when you were originally asked. If you know you’re too selfish, then decline immediately with honesty by explaining you simply don’t make a good bridesmaid.
It’s just ugly and gross to do this to someone you consider a friend.